Prayer Request

[catcookies]

Hi all,

I'm going through a rather difficult time in my life. I left my ex of many years due to abuse, and after that just felt so lost and depressed. I think back on my life and realized that I have not been genuinely happy for a very long time. I'm not sure why I feel so sad and so lost all the time. Others seem to be okay with life, but life seems so heavy and so confusing for me. I tried to look at life in a different way but it is not always easy. I wonder why others can be happy but I cannot... is it something that I'm lacking? Is it something I'm unwilling to look at? Is my life just more difficult? How come I just cannot snap out of this... etc.

Sorry for the rant, I guess what I am really asking is for a prayer to see and find my truth. I kept thinking that truth would set me free, and I hope it would. I know truth would come to me when I'm ready. I just hope it will come soon so I don't have to stay in this terrible pain for so long.

Thanks to all who read my post, and blessings and happiness to you.

Catcookies

[Anne Toinnette]

Hello Catcookies,

Welcome to our VOA Forum Family. I am sorry to hear you are going thru a difficult time.

I conduct a Free Compassion Clinic within the Forum if you would like to chat. I would like to help you to turn this negativity into positive energy so that you can live a happier life. Please let me know if you are interested. You can find more information about the Compassion Clinic within the Forum Board. In the meantime, my prayers are with you and I have asked for ArchAngels to surround you with their loving, healing energy.

Much Love & Light, Anne Toinnette  

[Stephanie]

Hi Catcookies,

My prayers are with you as are many angels .  Sometimes, its hard to pull ourselves up when we are feeling so low, but you will get there .  Remember, you are not alone and there are many Angels and guides to help support you on your way.  And the best part of all God is within you....rest on him and he will guide you thru this.

Much love and many blessings to you
Stephanie

[catcookies]

Hi Anne and Stephanie,

Thank you for your kind thoughts! I have felt better actually. It is funny, the night after I posted this message I had a vivid dream of my ex. He gave me a hug when I reached out to him. The hug gave me tremendous peace. Despite the past relationship between us being so chaotic, there just seemed to be such a strong link between us. Months and years before the separation he would have vivid dreams about me leaving, and he used to bolt from the bed and ran to the door calling me. After the separation, I'd have dreams about him too. Many times we walk side by side as friends.

Unfortunately due to what has happened and is still happening now, I don't know if we can both find forgiveness. Just when I write this I realized that the source of my pain is partially wanting forgiveness from him, for not trusting him and may never fully trust him again. I cannot be pained for another person's decision, for it is largely out of my control. What I can only do is to face my own pain and find peace with it. Sometimes my past looks like nothing but a huge, enveloping grayness. It is so entire in its grayness that I cannot decipher one part from another. I'd either feel nothing at all or feel a vast amount of pain and despair but it is impossible to pinpoint for sure the cause. This makes forgiveness difficult.

I had a dream just last night. In the dream I was left alone with my anger, resentment, and alot of sadness. Maybe before I start anything else I need to find me and forgive me.

Thank you for your prayers. I think i have received alot of help and insights through dreamwork If it is true that we walk with Angels, they are here Thank you.

[richard]

Hello Catcookies;
do not be so hard on yourself.  you have loved and then hurt.  in order to avoid additional hurt, one shuts down the emotions and learns to not "feel".  give yourself rest.  it will come back and you will see joy return as the spring returns each year to provide new love and light.  this is a major change in your energy fields and earth experiences.  it can be quite tumultuos to try and change your entire life.  but, rest assured, the angels are with you to help you when you stumble.  just notice what is going on around you and you will see them - in the chirp of a bird, a squirrel that stops in front of you, the light through a crystal, the shimmer of a raindrop.  they are there and will help guide you. 

a journal may help you to sort out the chaos (it helps me a lot).  just write what you feel without any judgement.  just let the words flow. 

as time goes on, you will see parts of your past that you can let go of and move forward.  but right now it is a time to rest and to notice; not a time for action.  motion does not mean progress.  let the love from the angels fill your heart and to help raise the veil of protection that your ego has erected.  the world will return to its full color. 

Be kind to yourself and do something everyday just for you,

Love and light,

richard

[Anne Toinnette]

If we look at our mistakes and those of others with our spiritual self, knowing that we all came here to learn and experience, it can help us in the forgiving, healing and letting go process.

We have contracts to fulfill with one another and sometimes this involves hurting each other. Sometimes the lessons are not all that pretty but they were predetermined for our growth. If we think of it in this way and accept that you have or are learning from these lessons, it helps a great deal in the forgiving and healing process.

I agree with Richard that time of solitude helps a great deal in helping you to realize what the lesson was for you to learn, for you to look at this from a spiritual perspective and to find a way of forgiving and healing so as you may move forward.

I would like to mention here that there are some things that we feel are just unforgivable to us. Usually in a situation where someone has hurt us in a physical or psychological way. In situations like this, Source does not expect us to forgive but not to say that we can not let go to Source, release ourselves from this negative energy and move forward.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and that I have asked Archangel Raphael to help in you during your healing process.

I hope this helps you in some way. Many Angelic Blessings, Anne Toinnette

[catcookies]

Many, many thanks for Richard and Anne *^^*

LOL Richard I love it when animals show up around me. My university campus has ALOT of squirrels and also racoons (the cutest things), I also love small animals like bunnies. They are therapeutic to me and sometimes the little time I spent with them helps lighten up my moods like magic

My ex has tortured and killed some of my pets and it was one of the most shocking and sad experience to hold a dying animal in my lap. Part of the relationship I was frozen in fear due to the physical beatings, emotional threats, financial losses, and just a general feeling that everything about me and around me is dying. I was terrified. When we separated (he was arrested due to threatening and assaulting me) in the beginning I felt no pain at all. I wanted to get out and did not want to ever look back. I got into a relationship with another man who appeared to be much more kind and loving. Problem happened about 3 months later... one day I was suddenly hit with a overwhelming sense of sadness. I missed him and was really grieving for the loss of this past relationship. My relationship with the man I was with suffered, and he too became frustrated over my "lack of progress" over this past relationship. He pushed me to "act" and I resisted by staying "frozen". When you say that motion does not equal progress it definitely rings a bell for me. I realized that I needed time to heal and come to my own conclusion, so I can move forward without resentment.

I will try a journal and see if it helps... I have always loved writing when I was a small child (was amazed by how my thoughts could be realized by words). Maybe it is something I can pick up again

Catcookies

[catcookies]

LOL I couldn't fit it all to the last message so here it is.

Anne I too have been thinking that maybe there is a purpose to all this. After his arrest and subsequent counseling he has matured in his thinking. Many times he would talk to me about the importance of self independence and the faith and courage to make my own decision. I do appreciate that, though sometimes I worry about the agenda behind his words, whatever that is. For a very long time I was tortured by the link between us and by the fact that he seemed to have turned into a better man. But maybe the purpose is just that: a chance of growth for him to learn how to respect another, and a chance for me to learn to stand on my own feet and trust my own judgement. Maybe the link is there just so it would be painful enough for both of us to want to change... who knows? The purpose is not whether or not we are together, but whether or not we learn our lessons...

Friends and family often tell me that people like him would never change (most likely his family and friends say the same thing about me), but I have strong faith that he has turned into a better person and is much more mature. I hope the same will happen for me too.

I sincerely thank all of you for the good thoughts and encouragement

CatCookies

[richard]

Again, the key here is to love and be gentle with yourself.  Even if the relationship was a bad one, it was one where a lot of your energy was invested and changed.  It will take time to go through the process and emerge as yourself.  Your inner self was lost in the tumult and now, you have to reconnect with your core.  Just be kind to yourself; take the inner child out for an ice cream.  Just notice the things that are going well; the friends that call or stop by or just say hi in the hallway.  and try and see if you can spot the trails of the angels in your life.  just focus on the good.  there will be a lot to deal with about the prior relationship, but give it time.  it doesn't have to be cleared today.  It will, most likely, be over a period of time.  but today, just for today, you can notice what the angels have brought you - a little shining star to shine brightly on your heart to let you see the love that is within you.  Just breathe and absorb the light and energy.

richard

[catcookies]

Awww Richard, thanks for your reply

I have been feeling better (honestly!) and am very very very greatful for all the kind words I have received here...

My ex apparently still cares about me a great deal. Though I know it would not be a good idea to go back to a relationship with him... even if he is a changed man... I don't think I have what it takes to build a good and healthy relationship with him right now. There is no trust.

All my families and friends kept telling me what a bad news he is, and how they'd bet he'd never change to be a better person. Isn't that really sad... that sometimes people just don't get a second chance when they do something wrong? So once a person abuses another he is always an abuser? I somehow find that hard to swallow. But then again, do I have enough faith and trust? Maybe not as much as I'd want too.

This question bothers me alot. Somehow I feel EVERYONE, no matter what they did, as long as they change they all deserve a second chance... but it sometimes does not seem to be the reality...

Catcookies

[catcookies]

Thank you all for the kind words and thoughts *^^*. All is VERY appreciated. Though my life is still challenging at times my days are getting brighter overall TY also for my angels & crystals (probably working over time here LOL). Much love Catcookies~