Pregnant From a One Night Stand
Hi Dyan:
Could you please give me some spiritual guidance on my problem? I recently discovered I am pregnant. It is the result of a one night incident that should never have happened.
I’m completely devastated and don’t know what to do, I’m obviously no longer with the father, I’m 41years old,..too old to become a mother again, I have children from my marriage…all in their 20s and I don’t think they’re going to be happy with my news either.
I do believe that God doesn’t send a child into this world without a reason but I don’ think I can cope with it either. I did take the “morning after” contraception pill and still got pregnant. I now have the added worry that something will be wrong with the baby because of this.
And I feel so guilty that I really do not want to have this baby, but abortion is not an option for me, I could not do that. I would really appreciate any guidance you could give me, Dyan, Thank you. Love and blessings to you.
Dear Sweet One:
My heart goes out to you in this very challenging situation. The first thing that comes up as I read your letter is that forty-one is not too old to be a mother. Examine where this belief system comes from. Do you really believe that? I do understand that your other children are all grown and perhaps you feel that you don’t have the energy to raise another. But examine instead if you’re just afraid and examine also what you’re truly afraid of.
I’m with you on that God doesn’t send a child here without a reason. You have to ask yourself if you’re willing to find out that reason. It’s ok to say no. We do have free will. I think the bottom line here is that you have to decide whether or not you can accept the baby with unconditional love. That’s the bigger picture for you in this situation. That is what this lesson is all about.
Guilt truly is a useless emotion, as it isn’t forward moving and keeps you stuck right where you are. We make choices and then we live whatever those choices bring. We have the choice then of accepting the results or making ourselves sick with guilt about our decisions.
You can’t go back. You can move forward, however. I just don’t feel the morning after pill did anything to the child, but you can get tests early on now to see. From here, I don’t see anything amiss. It seems like the child just wants to incarnate and you have chosen each other.
But like everything, there has to be an agreement. That agreement constitutes and offer and an acceptance by both parties in order to be in effect. It’s a choice to choose not to raise the child or to raise it.
Again, it’s truly a lesson in unconditional love for yourself and for the child. It’s also a lesson in choices and consequences. If you can’t come to unconditional love, then the clear choice is adoption. When you can come to unconditional love, then I believe you will find each other.
I also have the feeling that if you did not carry the child to term, that somewhere inside yourself you would be even more heart-broken. I have pointed out the bigger picture and lessons here and I hope they help with your decision. I do know that whatever you choose to do, God will bring this to the highest and best for all.
My Love,
Dyan
