Dear Dyan

Dear Dyan,

I haven’t written before on an advice page but I have been using Voice of the Angels cards for over  a year now and I always feel the benefit. I am writing to you as my life in a very short time has crumbled very quickly.  My ex-husband who I left in 2003 after years of violence against me has been in court facing charges against children, (very unpleasant charges) I had to give evidence against him in court.  As you can imagine I have been very preoccupied with the process and I fear that I have now alienated my lovely boyfriend. He has decided that he needs to spend more time at his parent’s house and I fear although he says he loves me and cares for me and my two children but I fear that I have pushed him away.  It was never my intention to do that. I was just scared about having to speak in public.  I have asked for advice from my spirit guides but I think I am so anxious at the moment I cant hear what they are saying. I know I can trust your judgment and your advice as to what to do to show my boyfriend that it’s him I love and care for not my ex-husband.  Thank You
xx

Dear Ex vs. Currrent:

Hello! I’m very happy to hear that you are benefiting from the cards. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had this very challenging time lately. It takes a great deal of courage to leave an abusive situation and it takes a great deal of courage to testify in court. It’s true that we can’t hear anything from our guides when we are in a state of fear and anxiety. I am happy to be able to help you with this.

My dear, I do not feel you have alienated your boyfriend. I believe he just needs some space right now to figure things out. The quickest way to push him away though, is to stay in your pattern. And that’s one of the things your guides want you to examine right now. It’s as if you took over this abusive pattern of violence perpetrated against you by your ex-husband, and began attacking yourself and kept doing so long after he was gone. Do you see, Dear One?

You are sweet and loving, but must learn to also love yourself completely and unconditionally. That is the message from your guides. Examine who taught you to be unloving to yourself. And then decide if you want to keep that belief system and pattern or not.  You see, we don’t get love and validation from the outside. That has to come from the inside first and it vibrates out. This is how we attract. If you’re vibrating to fear, anxiety, self-loathing, insecurity, and the like, then that is what returns to you. Please try to come to the place where you accept yourself completely and as lovingly as you love and care for your boyfriend.

People want to be with people who love and honor themselves. So give those feelings to yourself as well. You are worthy of them. And for now, my dear, let your boyfriend have his needed space, while you take this time to regroup and gather back your self-esteem and confidence. Then you can present your “new” selves to each other and hopefully move forward, perhaps after the Mercury retrograde. (This upcoming Mercury retrograde period is the perfect opportunity for self-examination and re-evaluation of patterns and belief systems.) Otherwise, you see, you’ve continued to let the ex abuse you. Do you see? That’s the root of the pattern. That’s what has to go.

And there is one more message here from your guides. They say you did the right thing.

Many blessings and peace to your heart. You are loved and valuable. And you are not alone.

Dyan

P.S. You may also benefit from receiving an Angel Reading from Ann C. in the Spiritual Forum and/or a Tarot Reading from Anne T. there too. Sometimes we just need more confirmation on things and that’s OK. Ann C. brings forth direct messages from your angel and Anne T. is an exceptional tarot card reader. I can guarantee you that either or both of these readings will be the best Angel Reading or Tarot Reading you’ve ever had. These two women put their whole hearts and souls into their readings and we are blessed to have them here on www.voiceoftheangels.com.  We’ve kept these readings very inexpensive as a service to our forum members. It is free to join.

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Hello Dyan:

  

For some time now, I’ve felt that I’m on a path to a life that I am truly excited about, yet, I constantly appear to get in my own way, and question myself at every step. At the moment, there seems to be little to get truly excited about, and its dull and boring to say the least. I seem to get so ‘caught up’ in getting it right, (your words of “let go” are ringing in my ears:)) that I begin to question my own judgment and base my choices on others thoughts or wants / needs. I know, in my heart & soul that this is not my life’s purpose, but I’m also unsure how to discover & move forward to finding out what that purpose is.

  

I also (for some reason) still allow my choices to be influenced by my
parents (whom I love to pieces by the way), and they somehow still have the uncanny ability to lay a mighty guilt trip on me (mostly unintentionally) that has me about-face in a choice I’ve made. I’ve discussed this at length with my parents over the years, each time feeling as though I’ve gained a little more ‘freedom’ and sense of self, but it still works a treat. Having said that, I recognise that I am still working through the sense of being responsible for their feelings and happiness, but at the same time, know that they are the only ones responsible for how they feel etc. Where does one start, to release this, and to also find out what our life’s purpose is? When the ‘discovery or realisation’ of life’s purpose is made, is it the end of life here?

  

Many thanks

  

D.

  

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Dear D:

  

There is a lot here and I’m going to take it one by one even though it is all related. When we find that we are in our own way, it speaks to patterns. And those patterns are something someone taught to you. Examine the patterns of those that taught you your own patterns and then try to see the reflection of how those people get in their own way. I believe when you really study the underlying patterns here you will discover some type of fear. And nothing can get co-created from fear. We create and co-create from a position of love. Once you firmly have truly examined these things at their core, from there, you have forward moving energy to change the pattern. You either accept it as your own or you don’t.

  

When we find ourselves viewing our life as dull and boring, we must rediscover our passions. Decide what you are passionate about and what you are not. Then simply do not engage in things that do not bring you joy. Make a commitment to doing things that bring you joy, rather than engaging in activities that may “please” others. This speaks to the need for outside validation. You can validate your own parking ticket and don’t need anyone else to do it for you.

  

We are taught in childhood to engage in approval seeking behaviour. But as we grow and mature, no one teaches us to not engage in that. It’s not that one should be self-absorbed, but it’s about being willing to put your oxygen mask on first and then assisting others. There is a very good reason for that instruction. You cannot be of any kind of help or service to others if you can’t breathe.

  

When seeking to align with one’s life purpose, one really has to go back to who they were/are before someone else told you who you are. Examine what you came in here loving to do. Examine where and when you stopped doing and being that. This is the beginning of aligning with your life’s purpose and it is key that you are WILLING to do that purpose. Being willing is a first step toward alignment.

  

Truly, no one can really lay a guilt trip on you unless you allow it, and again that is all about what you’re willing to do and what you’re not willing to do. It doesn’t mean that you don’t feel things or that you don’t care. It just means that you are willing to detach from patterns that no longer are helpful and are basically co-dependent.

  

Get these phrases in your vocabulary: “I am willing” and “I am unwilling.” No one told you that it’s perfectly OK to make a boundary? Our choices are our choices and we should have no regrets about them whatsoever. It seems as if you need to rediscover yourself and accept your choices as your choices even if no one else understands them. You do and that is all that matters. Again, that speaks to self-validation.

  

The thing to let go of is the pattern of seeking approval. You don’t need that anymore and it isn’t serving you in any constructive way. That said, parents always want what they perceive is best for their children. But parents have to learn to let go too and respect their offspring’s journey, no matter what it shows up as. Just know that it is certainly well intentioned.

  

One starts always at the beginning. One must always examine the root of a thing. One must also try to see the bigger picture. Groups of people come in here together to teach each other lessons in love. We’re living in an illusion. If you understand that you’ve chosen to be with these people so that you all may learn lessons in love, and improve the soul group dynamic, it begins to give you a bigger picture. But, while you’re stuck going around and around in your patterns you really can’t move forward. None of you can, so you remain doing things that are comfortable and familiar, even in their discomfort to all. So, the first thing to do is to examine the base patterns and figure out everything about them. Figure out the reflection. Then choose. And when one discovers their purpose it is truly the beginning of life here, not the end.

  

Many angel blessings,

  

Dyan

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