Letter from “Letting Go of Fear & Anger”
Dear Dyan:
I am the mother of two young sons. I love them dearly, but find I lose my patience with them frequently and yell at them. I never demean them by saying ugly things to them as my mother did to me, but I get angry over my oldest not doing the things I ask him to do repeatedly.
I don’t want to be this mean, angry mother. I want my kids to see me as loving, calm, and poised. How do I get there?
I also worry a lot about money. I was raised in poverty and although now we should make enough, somehow there is always lack. I know that it’s me doing this. How can I change my thought patterns? My anxiety over money frequently plays into the ways I interact or don’t with my kids. Please help me.
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Dear Letting Go of Fear and Anger:
Children can certainly be challenging. What we’re dealing with here is a pattern. Patterns are taught to us, and good for you that you don’t want to engage in perpetuating the pattern. However, the thing to see here is that even though you aren’t necessarily engaging in verbal abuse, you are still stuck in the pattern. The root of verbal abuse (your mother’s) is anger. And you are angry as well at a root level. You are carrying forward the patterns of your mother, even if you aren’t aware of that. If you want your kids to see you as loving, calm, and poised, you have to BE loving, calm, and poised. So the first thing to do is to make a conscious choice to disengage from the anger pattern. This was taught to you and you’re probably just reacting that way simply because it is an ingrained behavior. If you can see it that way, you have a chance to choose a different way. It is truly a choice.
So much of this anger has to do with a feeling of not being honored. That’s a big reason why you get angry at your oldest. By not doing what you ask he is blatantly dishonoring you, just as your mother did. The way to move forward is to begin to honor yourself. When is the last time you did something nice for yourself? I can’t promise that this will go away overnight, but clearly the family dynamic has to change and that is entirely up to you. You can’t change anyone else, but you can change yourself and when you change your own vibration, you shift the energy dynamic that exists and flows through the group, Begin to do things that help you feel loving, calm, and poised, because that is your true self. Get a clear picture of yourself when you felt you were at your best and go and do some of those things. You have to try to reconnect with yourself.
The thing that stands in the way of everything is fear. Being raised in poverty, you are still vibrating to “poverty” and “lack,” even though there is opportunity now to not have that be your reality. There is more to this than changing your thought patterns. Something has to shift at a root, base level because that is where the energy of money resides. The “honoring” energy also resides there. It is good that you understand that you are in your own way, because that is a first step toward change. What we think with our thoughts is not necessarily what we believe with our whole being. You can tell yourself anything you want, but what is translating here is what you feel, not necessarily what you think. So somehow, you need to begin to believe (not think) at a core level that you are safe.
I’m tuning into your energy and I can tell you that you are safe, that you’ve always been safe. If you look yourself, you will see the same. No matter what, you’ve always been safe and will continue to be so. You know this is true. It’s now only a matter of truly believing that. Take that in, because that is what begins to shift your entire root chakra pattern, and remember that is the pattern that was taught to you as truth. It’s what is stuck here. It doesn’t mean that it is true. It isn’t. Whatever you took in there was someone else’s truth. And believing and knowing and living YOUR real truth is what moves you forward. You ARE calm, and loving, and poised. You are.
